!*Natividad, Fatima Reina R.
im FhatZZz.
im lovin' my life as a student in MAPUA, (viva! we RULE & ROCK)!
im in LOVE with my FOLKS.AUGUSTINIANS '06.MY FAMILY.MY FRIENDS.MY M-A-S-K-U.
i *HEART* kenneth-kyla-ann!!.
i crave for *slEEp*!
for everything that i have-I GLORIFY GOD.
i love mapuans.mapuans.mapuans.mapuans.uber in love with them!.
i love math (yep, lovin' it now).
im patient. im a cry baby. im sensitive. im active.
i love my nephew&niece. yuan&sean. i love kids.
im fhatzzz & i'll always be.
i now HATE working out!.
&about
#1 a peaceful country! sna wla ng mag-hirap
#2 forever have good friends at my side.
#3 m-a-s-k-u forevr.
#4 keneth.ann.kyla(forevr frnshp)!
#5 **** **********!
#6 212 perfume.
#7 good health for my folks.
#8 get THIN. XOXOX!!
#9 write a book.
#10 more faith in GOD & long life for me.
#11 less bad words in my vocabulary.huhu.
#12 finish my degree with flying colors. i have to prove my worth.
**pinaka favorite ko toh sa lhat ng experiment.haha!! **i miss my labgown. =( at least tpos nko ng dalwang kem lec at dalawang kem lab in less than 5mos. haha. im proud of it!haha. behlat sa mga bagsak(ehem..tashing..gigs..danilo...and the list goes on) wee,yabang noh..hehe.pis. **haha.kabaliwan **kiko's notes.haha **i was about to gve up wen i wrote dis. **soap making: (pink-apap)..(yellow-noel)...(orange-mine) **eee..
then kat&i dcided to eat our early lunch. sisig at cantonan.haha.yummy.
breaking news: lilipat na yung 7/11 dun sa kabilang street.huhu.oh no.!
tapos un nag-punta kme ni kat sa skul. of cors sinita nanaman ang slipers ko.eer. so un i changed to sneaks.argh. then der goes apol(she's late-she's sick-she's...dull.haha.make up lang ktapat nyan..)!
un..we went to lib to review for our matlab(nuko, pati math namen ay may laboratory pah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)..
as usual im cramming (agen). i failed to read my notes last nyt plus i dont hav a matlab software in my pc.(poor-ME).
its 11:30 nah, wala pa ngang 1/8 ang naaral ko.ok.panic.
impulsive FATZ: di nako papasok guys. babagsak lang ako. i'll beg maam joyce to gve a make up test. (grins)
sick APOL: naku.pumasok kana.
impulsice FATZ: ay.wla tlgang pumapasok sa utak ko. practical and written kya yun.
timid KAT: pasok kna bka di ka bigyan ng test.
crush DENNIS (siting bside me): oo nga.kht bumagsak ka first quiz plang.
(c dennis-crush!)haha..
FATZ: (thinks) -oo, nag iisip din ako.haha. (txtd him. il return his calcu)
...
got a text.
him: patapos na clas ko. san tau kita?
me: bikstor.
him: ok wait mo ko dun.
...end of txt...
impulsive FATZ: geh guys una nako. ...
SCENE: TAPAT NG BUkSTOR
..there he goes. ME: handed his calcu. HIM: may clas ka pa.? ME: merun.d ako papasok.natatae ako. HIM: (smiles). yuck. ME: kaw? HIM: di pa.may titgnan pa ako dun. ME: (disappointed) ah ok,.cge. HIM: (smiles).
---disappointed me.
..while walking. i found out that i left my keys sa apt. (stupid me.) ayaw ko naman bumalik ng skul noh. wala naman magandang muvi to watch..i want to go home to do my skul stufs then wash my jeans. wla na kaya akong susuot for tom.huhu.
i txted ate, wla naman xa sa ofis. oh my!!! i have to wait until 10p.m. bago xa dumating! i got no keys. eerr..i decided to surf the net.hai, tpos naiwan ko din ung flash disk(eh nka-save dun ung supposedly tatype ko).... grbeh.ndi na nga ako mag-ka ugaga sa dame ng gagawin tpos parang sinayang ko lang ang araw ko.hai.. ayw ko naman mag-gym. so lazy.
btw, slamat sa coment sa previous post ko.
smtyms, i hate myself for bein lyk dis. dhil sa pagiging impilsive-slash-tamad-slash-atat-makasabay syang umuwe, naging isang malaking waste ang araw ko.
I was an ugly duckling. Yes, I was. Im not presuming I look superb now but what I mean is, I wasnt always positive about the way I looked nor was I always at ease with myself. Actually, I still am not! (just kidding) as far as I can remember, Ive been dark, big(now I’m 5 feet 8 inches height then I weigh…ah-ah…170 plus pounds), chubby, kind of awkward the way I move, my legs are full of scars and all. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in 3rd grade when kids in my school started to tease me like there’s no tomorrow. You know cruel kids can be. It used to bother me a lot. I would always cry at one corner and feel so humiliated. I wanted to fit in. years later I was able to ignore the insults. I learned to get used to it. I went on with my life, met my trusted friends, studied hard, got active with the things that I enjoyed doing and eventually everything fell into place.
To be honest, I still feel so ugly at times; I tend to be so upset with the standard of beauty set by the community…
*The slim figure-I got the opposite. I have a big-boned figure. I got big thighs. Big shoulders.
*The flawless skin-I got the opposite too. Acne really runs in the family and whatever treatments I try, they just simply don’t want to go away COMPLETELY.
*The long skinny legs-I got long legs but theyre not skinny and flawless. I still have traces of scars that I got when I was a kid. I remember I got those scars when I kept running from the embarrassment whenever the cruel kids would tease me with the way I look. I keep on running that time then I’ll just simply fall when I get tired and get those wounds. Sad but totally true.
Its really hard being in my shoe. Pressures. Insecurities. Anxieties. I tend to hate the world for looking like this. I hate it when guys would always say to me, I like you because you’re pretty but you’re too tall and big .Or when I walk, people keep on staring because of my height. Sometimes I wish I could also be like the girls who seem to have it all to be labeled as beautiful-LOOKS.BODY.HAIR.SMILE.LEGS.COLOR OF SKIN…etc.
But now, I simply realized that being beautiful comes only when I started to embrace my imperfections and start looking on the good assets that I posses. Other girls may be lucky enough to be exactly what the society dictated as 'beautiful, but they are not perfect. And I believe no one is. Not even me, but I am better-off than those 'pretty girls' because in spite of being FAT,TALL and ALL… I am truly blessed and REALLY HAPPY with lots of things, I have my loving family with me, my friends, my god-given talents, my charm & my special someone who always believed that I am really beautiful. It all really boils down on how you look at things.
If certain person makes you feel bad about yourself then dont mind. No one cares of what others think of you because you are the only soul who knows the true person that lies within.
Now that I think about it, I realized that it was really the love and acceptance of the people around me and God who made me discover to love and accept myself the way I am. I know its easier said than done but it all really lies on how much you accept and get satisfied with everything that I have. If I started to love how I look no matter what other people say or judge me. I just accept my flaws and focus on my assets and talents, the positive outlook will shine through. Reception starts from within. Ive always believe that everything that is happening in my life is really part of Gods plan for me. Who we are depends really on what we do; its how we handle situations in our life. Thats why I pray, have fun, dream big, dont step on other people on my way up, keep my feet on the ground, laugh at my mistakes and learn from them, cry my heart out, love with all my heart, love myself and most especially love GOD, my creator.
BESIDES KAPAG NAMATAY AKO, HINDI NAMAN TATANUNGIN NI GOD KUNG SEXY BA AKO OR MAGANDA BA ANG NGIPIN KO NUNG NABUBUHAY PA AKO. WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO HIM IS ONLY MY GOOD HEART AND DEEDS.
TO ALL GIRLS OUT THERE, WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. BELIEVE ME.
...finally ok nko. swear.its true things will get better soon and so it happened. Im bak to my old self now. See, im now trying to be the best-girl- friend for him. Too bad, the basketbol thingy was like postponed. Anyways, we ride the same fx awhile ago.(kilig-a bit) He was the one who paid the fair.ehe.. nyweiz, bsta ayos na ang lhat.(i think.) sbi nga there's always a right time for evrythin.
Well..
Skulstuffs- midterms na nxt wik. Woah. Im strivin. Rily hard. Im lovin math except the prof.haha. Masku- hmm. I mis dem. Financially-im broke.rily broke. Family-lovin them. As always. Yfc family-eer.. =( yaw ko xang haushol head. C kenet-galit sken. Wat went wrong? Aero and cardio class-tinatamad ako. Haha. Matlab- test na bukas sa matlab!! waaaah..practical and written. Anak ng tipaklong.huhu. 3 days to go...-17 nko.=)
..someday,, youll know how it feels..and how the feeling simply sucks.
**I just hope that someday youll know how it feels to be in my
place, where everything seems to be a mess. When suddenly my world started to hurtle when you came. Never ever try to blame me for what I am experiencing right now because you don’t know how it feels. For the nth time I failed again. I am rejected again. I am a loser again. For the pain that I have right now seems to stay forever. My heart bleeds. My tears are over flowing. Still I got no one to run to because people wont ever understand me. They won’t understand how you caused me so much pain. Im so tired. I was deceived. Im so stupid- I KNOW.
I know the healing will take a lot of time. For now, just leave. Please.
I may be good on other things but in love ill always be someone who is so stupid.
**its amazing how a crisis can actually turn out to be a blessing- if you learn to take away the bitterness it brings, and open your heart to the lesson it could offer.(hope so)
I cannot stop time nor slow it down nor adjust it- that’s why every minute counts.
I kind of lost faith in relationships. Things won’t last. HAPPINESS- It will eventually end.
Enaku kasi bisa eh.huhu.please ala pang papakit neh bantang tuknungan kuna ing pagiging tanga ku neh.pls.
Sori for bein so lame in blogging lately.i have valid reasons.haha. *ces, i greeted u at exactly 11:59 evening of jan.19! U didnt rcve? *joe, short hair my dear.. *pae,wil,karen..eloe guys..=) *solo, tnx for the pokemon card chuva with my pic on it.aw.tnx.
Since friday, im suffering from this stupid colds-cough-fever thing. I hate it. Imagine me with bulks of tissue around my place. So messy me. Till now im suffering with the salo-ko-sipon-ko thing.!
I stayed in our house the whole weekend. I watched little manhattan.finally. I love it. Highly recomended. Ang cute ni ROSEMARY dun.ehe.
Then finished my anal.geom. homework.sucker.ang dame! That's why my eye bags tripled its weight nah.argh.but im rily lovin math now.
Shox, the long test azwhile ago was like, tear jerking—sobrang hirap.=( ..but im glad i was able to share my answers to my ctmate.haha(no man is an island,pare).
Just 5mins. Ago, i freaked out. My flash disk is missing. Evrything was saved there. GOSH, its my life. The pix.the memories.the not-so-good journal entries ever written.his pix.augustine's pix.my pix.family's pix.huhu. I think i dropped it somwer in the bus. Eer. I cried. Yeah, thatso lame of me. That flashdisk really means a lot to me. eer.i rily fil so bad. So bad.
pinag-luluksa ko ang pag-kawala nia.
eee.im so xcited nxt friday, kenet wil go here wid eugene. We'll watch p.b.a semis. GO TALK & TEXT. Noel matchura will come too. Cnt wait.haha.
ui yfc pipz outder, r u guys goin to that negros thingy..xes? jap?ill go..how bout u?
..btw, my pakain for my bday is on feb.4?(sundae..) Augustine-reunite tau.pls.haha.
Nyweis, bye for now. >_< color="#993399" size="5">huhu.my flashdisk.
*saturday*-early dismissal from my nstp class. i went straight to ces' place. its good to see klie (aw, i miss this freak!).. gox, gj, timo,cati,joe&ces..=) then we went to manal's party. i saw lotsa pipol hum i rily mis.
roll call:
>wil.solo.noel. (the weird boys. they are all unpredictable).
>manals. prettier girl.
>the couples: don&mj. ek&jaime. (im just glad that they seem to be hapi wid their rspectve partners).
>ghary.bang.cub.rr.april.pae.
>shey&lou. (its good to see them again.=))!
*sunday*
-i attended the mass all by myself.yep.
-out with masku at bicen park. the same place 3 years ago. it was just *PERFECt* happy moments with them. sakatan.tulakan.kainan.kodakan.* all the stuffs. sobrang saya ko lang to see them again. i was about to cry when we're about to part ways (drama neh..haha).. but i tried to hold the tears. i rily miss der cmpany.=(
-chek ur jan&feb 2007 issue of candymag ,, page 95! ehe..
-i had a cup of coffee with kenet. it was the BEST.=)
-the for of us talked til 12 in the morning (an.kenet.ky).. *im so blessed havin them in my life=)
**kyla made this.aww.so sweet! *monday* -so trafik.. eer..i was late in my anal geom class. -after class, ivory&i had the best talk at cellos donuts .. wee.. (love u mare..) -i enrolled to a gym&aero class near pedro gil. im broke again! ehe..but i cant wait for my first day..ehe... its high time to get fit.haha!
*tuesday*
-im late again to my p.e. class.haha.
-eee.. my prof in p.e. assigned me to report the whole thing about badminton next meeting.huhu! ee.. bwct na matanda!!
-i had my matlab class.. cute sighting with apol at matlab,,the student assistant!haha..
-i had my first aero/gym class. waah my whole body is in pain. sweating & heavy weights..err.hirap pumayat.haha!!
*wednesday*
-foundation day.yahu!
-attendance lang lhat sa mga subj.
-the b13 were lyk united again.ehe. i just love their company.so much.=)
-we played billiards near our campus. uber fun.haha!
-i didnt attend my gym/aero class, my body is in pain. bukas nlang,haha!!
step 1: if ur mad den express it! whatever the feeling is, just burst!! haha..pakelam nila.. ur just a human, u get hurt too.. u get mad too..db!! if u want to cry..den go on..just cry.. but me.. im mad..haha!! mad to myself!!
step 2: decide. if u want and barely need to forget him, just follow this one.haha! step 3: life goes on.=)
currently lovin this song..=)
Tryin' To Get The Feeling Again
At any moment he'll be walking through that door But he won't find me behind it 'Cause the fellin is gone and just won't come back any more I worked so hard to find it I've been up, down, tryin' to get the feeling again All around tryin' to get the feeling again The one that made me shiver, Make my knees start to quiver every time he walks in I've look high, low, everywhere I possibly can But there's just no tryin' to get the feeling again It seemed to disappear as fast at it came Read every book, looked, for every meditation and poem Just to bring home that old sweet sensation But it ain't no use to me to try to get the feeling again. When did it leave me How did I come to miss use such a beautiful bonnet But baby believe me, I've done everything I can do But somehow it's not returnin' I've been up, down, tryin' to get the feeling again Like a bloodhound searching for a long lost friend Could you help me rediscover The way to re-be his lover once again Read every book, looked, for every meditaion and poem just to bring home that old sweet sensation But it ain't' no use to me to try to get the feeling I want to get that feeling again. Would you help me rediscover The way to re-be his lover once again Read every book, looked, for every meditation and poem Just to bring home that old sweet sensation But it ain't no use to me to try to get the feeling I want to get that feeling again.
for how many days, I tried to be happy and well off be contented on how things go on with my life. As a start of a new year for me, I decided to live life to the fullest and seize every moment.
For countless times, I never failed to thank the LORD for everything that I have and had.
The gratitude that I have because of my family who never failed to make me feel that I matter and that come what may they will always be there for me-I SAY THANK YOU.
For my friends and colleagues back in high school whom I enjoyed the company most and met wonderful souls-I SAY THANK YOU.
For thenewly found friendsnow that I’m in college, who lifts me up when I’m about to quit, for the company and true essence of friendship-I SAY THANK YOU.
For the material things that I take pleasure in to-I SAY THANK YOU.
For the four souls to whom I shared my ups and downs, the souls who are always behind my back-I SAY THANK YOU.
See, I got lots of reasons to thank for. I must say I am truly blessed.
Nonetheless, my life has never become perfect though it is full of imperfections I am still happy with how it goes. I just pray for a long life for everyone and strength for me to go on living and touch other people’s life throughout my existence. I HUMBLY PRAY.
Why am I writing all these things? Because I’m sad. Deeply wounded. Broken.
And this is how I truly feel. I wanted to cry at the corner of this room but instead of doing so, I decided to start counting my blessings, acknowledge the good things that I posses and most especially...
***reminisce howa certain person made me happy and feel prettiest at the most.
I am doing this because 10 minutes ago, I woke up to my long sleep and realized that there will never be me and him.
It is so sad; I thought hed be the one who will complete me. I thought hed stay. I thought hed love me TOO. It was just a thought.
I knew it, he was born to be adored because of what he posses and I was one of those who adored him. But I was never born to be adored by HIM.
Why is it when other parts of my life starts going okay the other one simply falls into shattered pieces?
We are different in so many aspects but because of fate which brought us together, I felt I was complete even just for awhile. The times that I was with him are the best moments of my life. At least I was happy for awhile.
This may be so shallow but this is the only way that I have to express the sadness. I feel so sorry for this feeling that I have.
If only Im rich perhaps he’d love me too. If only Im sexy perhaps we’ll look good together. If only Im socially equipped perhaps he’d introduce me to his folks. If only. Perhaps well be together.
But Im just like this.
Therefore, we cant be together.
If you cant get someone out of your head maybe theyre supposed to be there.(kasinungalingan.) I am still clueless why I fell in love so bad with you. They say when you love never expect for anything. For love is something sacred. Never judge nor expect. For in loving, you only give what you have willingly and no selfish acts behind must be take into consideration.
Maybe this calls for a forget-you-now scenario.
Past is past? Because I have to move on for me to see the light again and go back to my usual self. But… how can I go on with my life and look forward when my past is the ONLY thing I ever wanted-slash-prayed-slash-wished for in the future..?
Well, this is just one of the truths in life that are hard to accept but it made me see the beauty of life and that is getting strength from my tears and faith that in time I’ll be happy and complete.
I’ll be missing you.
YOU, who makes me laugh like no one else could. LIFE GOES ON, PARE! (malaram kang tlga..)
**lang ya nkakapikon ang blogger! argh,hrap mag-upload. yaw ko na. to be continued nlang!
happy new year.
welcome 2007.. to all AUGUSTINIANS(who really helped me become a better person,dakal slmat.i miss the fun guys),,MASKULANGOTZ(tang ina kau mga hayop kelan tau magkikita ng complit!guys i love u. un na un!) CO-BLOGGERS(slamat sa pagbabasa at pakikisympatya! mabuhay mga bloggerz..haah..love u) MAPUNS(mga gago kau, kaya nten toh. c u soon) APOL,IVORY,KAT,NOEL,YANI,AP-ap(yeah guys...i mis u!! haha ..) YFC MAPUA CHAPTER (pangako akoy magiging aktib nah! slamat sa lhat) KAY KYLA_AN_KENET_CHAM(puta, wlang iwanan..slmat.mahal ko kau higit pa sa buhay ng patay kong kuko,haha)
un na un!!,,
**ang kulet namen tlga..aha! **tang ina! ang bobo ko di ko nahulaan toh! **mahal ko aking pamilya.haha! **oh mga tumador! **yes, kiss parents!
**pinaka favorite ko toh sa lhat ng experiment.haha!!
**i miss my labgown. =( at least tpos nko ng dalwang kem lec at dalawang kem lab in less than 5mos. haha. im proud of it!haha. behlat sa mga bagsak(ehem..tashing..gigs..danilo...and the list goes on) wee,yabang noh..hehe.pis.
**haha.kabaliwan
**kiko's notes.haha
**i was about to gve up wen i wrote dis.
**soap making: (pink-apap)..(yellow-noel)...(orange-mine)
**eee..
**the three monkeys.haah!
step 1: if ur mad den express it! whatever the feeling is, just burst!! haha..pakelam nila.. ur just a human, u get hurt too.. u get mad too..db!! if u want to cry..den go on..just cry.. but me.. im mad..haha!! mad to myself!!
step 2: decide. if u want and barely need to forget him, just follow this one.haha!
step 3: life goes on.=)
**ang kulet namen tlga..aha!
**tang ina! ang bobo ko di ko nahulaan toh!
**mahal ko aking pamilya.haha!
**oh mga tumador!
**yes, kiss parents!
HAPPY!! SO HAPPY!!
PINK POWER! AK..AK..ak!
FAM
ILY ROCKS!
